Post-Holiday Poundage

cat-comic
So you ate the frosted and besprinkled cookies, the peanut butter and chocolate fudge, the endless varieties of cream pies, the multilayered cakes. You ate Gramma’s marshmallow ice cream chocolate banana caramel whipped cream holiday surprise, because, you had to. You could’t hurt Gramma’s feelings!

Now, it’s time to purge those pounds, and say good-bye to the annual cottage-cheesy piles of bloated fat cells heaped onto your otherwise slim and trim body.

They know it’s time for them to go. And if history is any indication, those unwanted piles of bloated fat cells won’t go without a a very good reason.

And the reason is time. You’ve only got a couple of months until it’ll be too hot to hide the fat under coats, long sleeves and big loose sweaters. Your fat cells have overstayed their welcome. At this point they are unwanted guests. Promise them they can visit again next year when you take your annual vacation from healthy eating.

So, what to do…

  1. You could move to Alaska where hiding your fat under winter clothes all year long is possible.
  2. You could threaten your fat cells with liposuction, and they may shrivel up and leave on their own rather than get sucked out and thrown in the garbage only to be eaten by maggots.
  3. You could buy a treadmill and walk off the extra poundage while binge-watching Criminal Minds or Drop Dead Diva on Netflix.
  4. Wait a minute! Speaking of Drop Dead Diva, Jane isn’t thin! She’s a queen-size, gorgeous, brainy, talented beauty. Why bother with a treadmill when we finally have some decent Hollywood role models who aren’t anorexic?

Why stress over diets and treadmills? Now that the constant barrage of sugar-laden treats isn’t advancing at light speed on a holiday conveyer belt headed for our open mouths anymore, curves should mellow out, fat cells should calm down. For a minute there I couldn’t think past the holiday bloat.

Phew. I’m glad I got that figured out.

I still may buy that treadmill—I can’t say I’m opposed to being entertained while a machine pretty much does the walking for me. And maybe I’ll eat a vegetable or two. My Gramma gave me a recipe for marshmallow brown sugar carrot surprise.

 

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