So, You’ve Been Dumped…

What now? Do you stay in bed all day eating tubs of ice cream, watching Danielle Steel movies and bawling your eyes out?

Yes.

Do you kick your ex’s door down and beat the crap out of his new girlfriend and cut off his (never that great) penis?

No.

Do you write pages of mushy regretful nonsense about wishing you’d done this or that in the relationship in a tear-stained letter to the man who dumped you?

Yes.

Do you actually send this nonsense to the man who dumped you?

No.

Do you go shopping and buy loads of cute shoes on sale and jeans that make your butt look good and dresses that show off your gorgeous legs?

Yes.

Do you look in the mirror with red eyes and uncombed hair and quivering lips and tell yourself you weren’t good enough or that you’re too fat?

No.

Do you get your hair done and schedule a series of expensive facials and wear black nail polish and wildly inappropriate clothes?

Yes.

Do you let your ex back in the door and have sex with him so he can leave again and snub you after having an orgasm?

No.

Do you have sex with that cute barista at the coffee shop who flirts with you even though he is ten years younger and still in college?

Yes.

Do you call your friends and wail over the phone and get drunk with them and puke gobs of stinking confetti out the next day?

Yes.

Do you get drunk and call the man who dumped you and spew desperation into the phone and beg him to come back?

No.

Got it?

Here’s a good though experiment: Imagine it is five years in the future and you are looking back at yourself now. See? I think you’ve got it now. 🙂

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